I’m The Problem

I'm the problem.

Yes. Me. I have racial bias.

How could I not? I grew up in an all white community, went to an almost all white college, and have lived my entire adult life in predominantly white communities.

Every time there is black civil unrest I look at it through my white eyes, my white history, my white present, my white future. And I often cannot comprehend or understand the reality happening "out there."

But my heart hurts. And my guilt rises. And I suffocate the shame caused by my perceived lack of ability and my real lack of action just so I can function and keep pretending that it doesn't apply to me because "I'm not a racist."

But I wonder, where is the extremely fine line between racial bias and racism. I don't hate anyone. Isn't that ok? Isn't that enough?

My heart says no. That's not enough. Not anymore. Not ever.

So I admit I'm the problem. I've been part of the problem my whole life. Unconsciously early on, but now with full awareness.

Knowing this I can no longer hide behind "we" and "us" and "they".

There is only me. I can only change me. I WILL change me.

And hopefully I can lead by example and encourage others to do the same.

I'm sorry that I've ever thought and acted otherwise.

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